Strange Relationship – Version X Chapter 005a: Caught Watching

Authors Note: this ‘extra ‘chapter, which doesn’t appear in the synopsis, is dedicated to my favourite and most impatient reader!

An  invitation to dinner – even if it is an invitation to dinner with the boyfriend you’re not sleeping with and the son that you are – is an excuse to buy a new outfit, and whilst I’m not quite the trend whore that some people are it’s still nice to look good and make an effort, don’t you think? There’s a huge shopping centre near me, and although most of the time it seems like exactly the same shops as everywhere else (honestly, don’t you think every high street in every town is just like every other?) there are a couple of places where you can get some really nice stuff. After an enjoyable couple of hours cruising for bargains – I am so the Great White Bargain Hunter – I noticed that time was drawing on. After a quick cappuccino to revivify myself, I headed for the car park.

The car parks are huge, and because I’d elected to go in the evening all the closest spots to the exits were full. This meant I’d had to park near the cinema entrance, which was several minutes walk from where I was. The path took me away from the main car parks and round an altogether nicer area along the canal. Happy at the thought of a nice dinner party, and the unlikelihood of any bizarre sexual shenanigans whilst Richard was with me, I was almost skipping along as the last remnants of the sun painted red rivulets across the sky.

I was about to round the last little copse of trees that separated me from my car when I heard the noises. It was a girl’s voice, or rather, a girl making the noises. My first thought was one of panic – this secluded spot would be the perfect place for a mugging, or even rape.

Caught between screaming for help and simply running away, I stood petrified by my own indecision. When my legs became my own again I had the presence of mind to dart into the clump of trees immediately to my left, seeking a vantage point from which I could make an informed decision. I’d already snapped open my phone to make the call when I saw them.

Strange Relationship – Version X Chapter 003: Discovery

The Red Dragon is, I suppose, my local, in that it’s the closest pub to my house. Saying that it’s not actually terribly close, being about a fifteen-minute walk away, and I didn’t frequent it a great deal. Richard loved the place though, being equidistant from his house in the opposite direction, and hence we spent a few Sunday lunches there followed by a walk back to his house. I wasn’t all that keen on eating there, what with owning my own restaurant anyway, and I always felt a little put out that Richard knew all the other patrons so well, whilst I often felt like an arm-adornment. I’d arranged to meet Richard – well, it had been arranged by Richard for me to meet – there.

Swirling the ice cubes around my diet coke, I waited for the inevitable text message to say that Richard would be late. Even the text message was late this time. When it did come through – at 8:45 it arrived fifteen minutes after Richard himself should have – I merely glanced through for an indication of when he would be here, not bothering with the excuses. Sighing to myself, I smoothed down my dress and prepared for the wait.

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” came a cheeky voice from behind me. “No, that one won’t work on you. How about, call heaven quick, there’s an angel missing? No, wait, I’ll get it in a minute. Get your coat, you’ve pulled? What’s a worm do? Any of them likely to let me buy you a drink?”

He was tall and athletic, not bronzed exactly but with a weathered look, the sort of tan you only get from working outdoors, and I had a vision of him digging holes in roads for the council which instantly made him less attractive. Still in muddy shorts, so probably a stray from the boisterous group of young men that had obviously just finished football training (although I suppose it could have been rugby. Wasn’t cricket though, I could tell that much). Nice smile and cheerful eyes. Reasonably gorgeous, actually, but a little too pretty for my liking. Listen to me, I sound like a connoisseur of young men already.

Strange Relationship – Chapter 3 Version VI

With a Sunday afternoon unexpectedly free – many thanks to Richard’s rabble of students, to a man seemingly unable to cope with the dual pressures of actually doing work and handing it in on time, leaving Richard with piles of marking to do – I decided to hit the bookshops. Sounds sad, I know, but I find little to compare with the simple pleasure afforded by wrapping myself in a good book! Internet sites are all terribly convenient, but for me book shopping should be a tactile, sensual experience. I need to pick up and flick through fifty books before I decide. Thus, opting for the tram over the car in case I fancied a glass of wine with lunch, I set off after a long lie-in, feeling distinctly smug that I was enjoying such a laid back Sunday whilst Richard slaved over a pile of hot books.

By two, and with five confirmed purchases already painted on the side of my shopping bag (making me officially a shopping ace) I trained my sights on my favourite Italians – a good red wine and a mushroom pizza! There’s a little place that I like to go for lunch, with the girls sometimes but more usually when I’m on my own, where there are some private little booths, and it was here I aimed to get through a couple of chapters/glasses at my own leisurely pace. The waiter smiled with recognition and, talking and laughing far too rapidly for any comprehension on my part as he showed me to a corner booth, with a single continuous semicircular sofa. I understood through his failure to bring me a menu that he would simply bring my normal order, and when he quickly reappeared with the actual ark that Noah built and begin filling it with red wine I knew he and I were in sync.

Strange Relationship – Chapter 1 (Version VI)

“Come on Caitlin, there’s only you that hasn’t answered!”

“What? I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. What was the question?”

“This is important, pay attention! Question eleven: have you ever let a man tie you up? Nat and I said yes, and Liz will if she ever stops wasting time and lets you-know-who get into her knickers!”

“Shut up Jen, I’m just making him wait. I just want to make sure, that’s all, just make sure that we’re ready for it!”

“Oh my god, he couldn’t be more ready! His tongue permanently hangs out. He has a thing for you so big you can see it from space! Caitlin, answer the question, we’re nearly there. Ever indulged in a little tying-up?”

“Sorry, no, I’ve never been tied up. Never tied anyone else up. I might have tied someone’s shoes up once or twice, does that count?” I ask, smiling innocently. They all laugh at me. So far I’ve answered no to pretty much every question. Where do they find these silly magazine questionnaires about sex? Is it really necessary to read them all out loud on the tram in the morning? And how is it that I end up answering no all the time? Of the girls that I am with, Liz is the youngest, and even she’s done more than me, if her answers are to be believed. I ask them for the next question, confident that, as the oldest, sooner or later there must be one that I can answer with ‘yes’.

“Okay, question twelve . Ooh, maybe we should skip that. Let’s do thirteen, it’s about anal!”

“What’s wrong with twelve? Ask away.”

“But we know what you’ll say to this one. Oh, what the heck. Question twelve then: have you ever kissed another woman?” Straight away, and in spite of my best attempts not to let it, my face wrinkles up at the prospect.

Strange Relationship – Chapter 2 (Version 3)

Standing at the bar, sipping a iced diet coke, I check my watch again. I don’t like unpunctuality, and I’m fairly sure that if an Englishman had drawn up the seven deadly sins it would be on there. Actually, make that an Englishwoman. This Englishman obviously has no compunction about leaving a lady standing at the bar. And then I see him making his way over, and there’s the most curious feeling in my chest. I assume it’s some form of tummy upset and resolve to do an extra fifteen minutes of yoga tonight to sort myself out.

“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting, couldn’t get off the phone. Honestly, parents, they fuss over me like I’ve just left home.” I hope he doesn’t see my little look of derision, I’m almost certainly old enough to be his mum. “You okay? No delayed after-effects from your little trip?”

“Umm, thanks for that,” I say, unsure of what else to add to it, or indeed, why I am even here.

Strange Relationship – Prologue and Chapter 1 (Version 2)

It was a Saturday morning in early May, and Caitlin could see the sun streaming through a crack in the curtains. Her alarm clock told her it was just after nine. She smiled and stretched out her arms above her head in an effort to shake a little of the lethargy out of her body. She knew she should get up, but she did like a lie-in at the weekend. She thought she’d give it five more minutes, and curled up in a ball with her hands between her knees.

She tried to work out her itinerary for the day. She was going to have to go shopping at some point, because she knew the freezer was all but empty. She’d recently over-come her fear of getting into a car again, a problem since the accident, and she was going to find herself a runabout. Her son-in-law Ben had promised to help with that when he’d been to football, and she was looking forward to their shopping trip together. She smiled at the little white lie.

She was just looking forward to seeing him, full stop. She’d seen him most days since the funeral and when she wasn’t actually with him, she spent most of her time looking forward to seeing him. They had become very close, like best friends. They talked all the time. She knew, for example, that a couple of times he’d been asked out on dates since the funeral, and each and every time had declined the invitation. They told each other everything. Oops, she though, there’s another lie. I’ve never told him how crazy about him I am.

Since the first time her daughter brought him home she’d suspected she had a crush on him. There was something in his eyes that made her want to give herself to him totally. She would be with him, staring into his eyes, and she would realise he’d stopped talking and was waiting for an answer, and she’d have absolutely no idea what he’d just said.

The Red Dragon Social Club – Chapter 3

Jayne and Laurent

It was a balmy early summer evening when Laurent’s convertible drew up the long drive leading to the Lomas’ home. The gravel crunched under the tyres as it rolled to a stop by the front door, and Laurent saw the curtains twitch. Seconds later Jayne was at the door, waving to him with a flirtatious smile. Awkwardly, he waved back, uncomfortable with the level of intimacy displayed in her smile. As she walked towards the car he looked her up and down. She was wearing a tailored white blouse, curving over her breasts and gathered at her slim waist, and a knee length black skirt with a daringly high split revealing black stockings, whilst her long naturally blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail. She had a body that a woman half Jayne’s 45 years would be proud of, something she worked at very hard. As she put on her sunglasses she saw Laurent looking her over, and she smiled. Once in the car she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, asking where they were going. He smiled but never replied. Jayne knew that he was still uncomfortable speaking English, but also he was generally what novelists would describe as the ’strong, silent type’. He turned up the volume on the CD player and accelerated away.