I got this idea from one of my favourite sex bloggers, Urban Gypsy (http://nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com/). Apart from giving you, dear reader, the chance to get to know me better, I also wanted to think about myself and lay it all bare before you. It’s very tricky to come up with 100 different intimate and interesting things – I could gave just said “I’m male, I’m just in my thirties, I live in Europe, I speak four languages with surprisingly inaccurate results” but that wouldn’t have been much fun, nor would it have been very interesting to read.
Coming up with 100 things might take a while so please keep checking back!
- I lost my virginity when I was 16 to a woman that was a few years older than me – not a lot older than me, but enough for it to be really, really cool at school!
- I have slept with 9 people in my life.
- When I was younger my fantasies were fairly typical for a teenage boy – two women together, me and two women etcetera – but as I’ve got older, some of my fantasies have progressed in very odd directions and sometimes I’m surprised by the things that arouse me. It’s nothing bad – definitely not anything illegal – just surprising. I take this as a sign that my tastes are developing. Generally, I only discover that I have these tastes when I write about them happening to a character and become aroused even by my own writing.
- I fluctuate between being very unhappy with my body, and generally okay about it. Normally I just think that I wish I could lose an inch or two of my tummy and I would be happy with that.
- When I was younger, the one thing that was absolutely sure to give me an erection was having my partner tease my ear with her tongue. I remember one time being quite surprised that I couldn’t rise to the occasion, but once she basically just put her tongue in my ear it was like flicking an on switch!
- Even given number 3 about developing tastes, a lot of the time the stuff that floats my boat is terribly traditional – my girlfriend in thigh-highs, boots or heels, for example. Sexy, feminine lingerie is really hot and my girlfriend has just the most exquisite taste in it and I wish I could tell her about it more!
- There’s a lot of stuff I just daren’t talk to my girlfriend about, or ask her if she wants to do. This is terrible cowardice on my part and you can yell at me if you want. I have a theory about it, and my theory is this: I really love her, and for some reason that means I don’t want to somehow ’spoil’ her in my eyes. I used to have a girlfriend who I didn’t love at all, although I cared about her a lot. I had no qualms about asking her to do things, to the extent that I even let her go out on dates with other men and with women and I didn’t care. I think that’s because I didn’t love her. But because this one is the one, I don’t seem to have the courage to ask her to do things I think she would probably do anyway. Answers, anyone?
- I really like the music of a certain UK girl band. I’m sure my girlfriend thinks it’s because I have a crush on pretty much all of them, but I don’t. It’s really sappy, but I really really like their music even though it’s just plain old pop music. I don’t know whether it’s better for her to think I fancy all these women, or have her know how much I like their music! Actually, I have had two dreams now about the one member that’s usually regarded as the least attractive. Once we walked the dog together through the woods (just that – we took the dog for some exercise) and in the second draem they were singing and she stopped one of the other band members from falling off the top of the building they were performing on. See, nothing erotic there!
- Never once have I found Princess Leia erotic in any way. The bronze bikini look does nothing for me at all, neither does the whole ‘Sound of Music’ get-up.
- When I was younger, I tended to be attracted to girls that were, in their own way, walking train wrecks – think Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks. Maybe this is the same thing that makes girls fall for bad guys.
- Also when younger, I was always more attracted to women that had partners than single girls. I always used to put this down to an unwillingness to commit on my part, and I was comfortable with that. I always thought that it was easier to go out with someone who couldn’t demand too much because they already had commitments of their own. Now, this seemed to lead to a curious side-effect that I couldn’t explain until I started to read Freud in my early twenties, and even then I wasn’t crazy about accepting his version of events. It didn’t matter what my girlfriend did with her partner (husband, fiancee, boyfriend, whatever) – that was always fine. However, if they showed interest in a man other than their partner (and me) it would send me off into a fit of jealousy that I couldn’t explain. If I did see a girl who was single and she showed interest in another guy, it didn’t make me even half as jealous. I think that was only something that went with the passion of youth, I never experienced it as I got older. I can’t really explain it.
- Some of my best friends are ex-girlfriends. I don’t see a lot of them, nor do I see them regularly. And I absolutely don’t have feelings for any of them – I just want to be a good friend and if that means I don’t see them in a year and then all of a sudden they turn up on my doorstep in tears and need to have a whinge about a boyfriend they just argued with, then that’s fine with me. I always think of myself as being like that cheesy TV show “The Littlest Hobo” – I’ll be in people’s lives for as long as they ned me, then I’ll drift on somewhere else. But I won’t ever forget someone that I call my friend.
- When I lost my virginity I was really naive. I mean, really naive. I’d gone from being the class geeks and never really having kissed a girl properly to having full sex with someone who really knew what they were doing in just a couple of weeks. So, I think I expected more from my first time but I wasn’t sure what. I remember at one point my attention sort of drifted and I was thinking about one of the girls in my English class. I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to be thinking about someone else whilst I was havnig sex.
- My favourite song of all time is Massive Attack’s “Unfinished Sympathy“.
- I saw my first porn film when I was about fifteen – it was shown to me by a family member, but not an immediate family member. It was on a grainy VHS video tape and the movie itself was black and white. I remember very little of it; a caucasian queen on a throne in some sort of Egyptian setting, with a number of huge black male servants/bodyguards. And I’m sure I remember someone else being delivered in a wooden crate?
- My most embarrassing porn-related incident occured when I was babysitting with a girlfriend at the home of a family friend. Both she and I were in our late teens and had not had sex together previously. Actually, I think she may have been a virgin. Anyone, obviously I was hoping that with the kids in bed this would be the perfect opportunity for a little “intimacy”! There was nothing on TV and I remember looking through the video tape collection to see what there was and we found one unmarked video, which we put in the player. From the start it was quite clear that it was a copy of a porn film and I remember thanking the higher powers for giving me the perfect opportunity. We watched the movie whilst we were getting into some heavy petting. There was a male hitchhiker and he got picked up by three hot girls in a convertible. They went back to the girl’s place and I though, “he and I are both gonna get lucky tonight!” The girls on the video turned out to be transexuals with excellent breasts and fully-functioning male organs. My young lady did not consider this conducive to normal teenage sexual relations. The hitchhiker was introduced to anal sex at the hands of these shemales; I became re-acquainted with my old friend sexual frustration.
- The first time that I bought lingerie as a present – back in my early twenties – I had to take a female friend with me. I had no idea about sizes and cups and colours, I dread to think what I would have bought if I’d gone on my own.
- When I was a teenager I once had to sneak out of my girlfriend’s friend’s house when her father came home unexpectedly from the pub and was really drunk. There were four of us – me, my girlfriend, and our two best friends who were also a couple. We heard her dad come in and had to hide. Her dad was a real bruiser and would have killed us if he’d found us, so we all had to hide (except my girlfriend’s friend). I hid in the wardrobe and later managed to sneak out under cover of darkness. The neighbourhood was so rough! Their house had been broke into so many times they’d stopped fixing the back door when it was smashed – they just pushed the kitchen table up against it so no-one could push it open.
- I really like going in the shower with my partner. I like the feel, I like the physical proximity, I like the intimacy. It’s just nice!
